Day 9 Assignment
When I first read today's assignment, I thought "what philosophy?" It seems sometimes that my philosophy changes moment to moment. Sometimes I'm cautious, careful and thoughtful. Sometimes I'm impetuous, thoughtless and brazen. Not just swinging between extremes, but all across the field of possibility. I had to think about how the variety of ways I act and react are connected.
I think my philosophy might be to try. I don't understand statements like, "don't try; do." Everything takes effort, and sometimes failure is just as dazzling as success. For other pieces of life, there simply is no "doing." Instead I must continually keep trying. Other times, it is finding the courage to try again. My most surprising joys and jaw-dropping failures have almost always occurred because I tried something new.
I dislike myself the most when I feel like I didn't try. Or I didn't try harder. Or I didn't keep trying. Perhaps I have low expectations. I don't expect to succeed often, but the opportunities I don't try to take end up eating at me. I'm able for forgive myself a little more if I can say that I tried.
Sometimes it's difficult to even try at all. I'm trying right now to correct both some bad habits and a disregard for my own health which, if left unchecked, would take my kidneys, my eyes and my life. It's ridiculous that this is difficult to try, but I frequently feel like I'm fighting myself...that I don't want to try. I have to keep reminding myself that I do. That trying is a victory in and of itself. I sometimes have to remind myself.
Even if I don't succeed, at least I tried.
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